The following article is based on a presentation that I attended by Dan Siegel, MD in January 2018 in Davis, California:
Parents actually wire their children’s brains because the mind is the part of us that is in relationship to others and those interactions or states of mind creates traits that last a life time!
Dr. Siegel encourages parents to help their children cultivate BRIE (Balance, Resiliency, Insight, and Empathy).
Balance:
Tune into your child’s internal state at any given moment and then sculpt their behavior. This helps them cultivate an internal compass. In addition, make sure they have enough sleep, play, connection to nature and people, time to daydream.
Example:
Child “I want ice cream now!”
Parent: “I understand that you do. However, I want you to eat a nutritious dinner first. So let’s help you decide what flavor you want, chocolate or vanilla, and then go to the store and get it so when you are done with your dinner you can have some.”
Resiliency:
Learn learn to be present (nonreactive) with your child, even when your child is dis-regulated. This helps your child learn how to hold all their emotions long enough that they eventually know what to do to honor them.
Insight:
Engage in conversation with your child so that they learn how to make meaning of the past, understand how it influences the present, and then know how to anticipate the future. This helps them make sense of life.
Empathy: EQ
Help your child know how to create a map of the other’s world by:
taking on the perspective of the other
imagining how the other is feeling
taking the time to understand them
partaking in empathic joy
cultivating compassion (sense the other’s suffering in order to do something to comfort them)
Above all, love your child not only for what they do but who they are!
And remember: There is no such thing as perfect parenting. You will make mistakes. It’s not what you do that is necessarily a problem; it’s how you handle yourself afterwards, that can make all the difference. In other words, focus on repairing ruptures when they occur.
For more information, read The Yes Brain by Dan Siegel, 2018.
Copyright 2018 – by Claudia Dommaschk MFT – All Rights Reserved.
